4 Weeks After Breaking Up with a Narcissist

So many revelations

It’s hard…

It’s hard because of so many reasons. The mind behaves like a monkey on some stimulant … I have to still my mind.

And in the still moments, here’s what has been revealed to me

1. Abuse
   This is the year where I acknowledged how much race-based bullying I have adjusted to, in order to block out bullying and make things seem okay to me. I discovered the phrases “Go along, to get along” , and I realise just how much I had let that be what my psyche was made of, that I was allowing myself to be used, humiliated and trampled on. As I look back on phases of my life, I realise that it had happened in the relationship with the ex-husband, as well as the recent relationship.
2. The mind is a restless monkey. I have had to stop it jumping around. But as time passed, I also saw how leaving him was the right thing. There were just too many ways that he had subjugated me which in isolation was inconclusive, but when lined up, painted a nasty picture. But even knowing this, the mind wants to cling to the pretty times.

“If I Can’t do it with you, who else can I do it with?”

This is coercion, and if you hear such a line, especially early on in a relationship, find the nearest door, walk out, and do not look back.

The clothes that I had to wear to conceal the marks he put on me — I’m giving those way. I have put it in a bag, and I will be meeting someone to give it to her shortly. I wore one of those dresses yesterday, but it pulled my mood down, even though it was a pretty sunny yellow.